People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Ryan:
Click here to see all of our How I Got Sober stories. Do you want to be featured in How I Got Sober? Email us for details.
What is your sobriety date?
February 2, 2015
Where did you get sober?
I went to treatment at Pasadena Recovery Center. I credit a big part of my recovery to them especially to my counselor Shelley Sprague. My recovery date is the day I left, February 2, 2015. I was actually kicked out for using while in treatment. Shelley walked into my room a few hours before I was supposed to be taken off the property for good and told me that I’d be okay. That I knew what to do. That it was time to get out there and live a life of recovery in the real world. And she was right. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. I took her advice and plugged in right away—I found a good group of people with more time than me that showed me the way.
When did you start drinking?
I began drinking/using in 1995, when I was 15.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking/using?
For a period of time, it was manageable. I was a functioning addict/alcoholic. Once I began using heroin in 2008, it quickly went downhill. I couldn’t maintain a job, was homeless on and off, and completely cut off from the world. Before walking into treatment on Thanksgiving Day 2014, I was once again homeless. Unemployed. Broke. Hopeless.
What was your childhood like? Teenage years?
Absolutely insane. We lived a double life in my childhood. My dad went to prison when I was 13 for several years. My mom was a single, hard working woman. I helped to take care of my little sister growing up. We kept a lot of secrets in our household. I didn’t even know that my dad was in prison until I turned 15.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
April 2014. I was at work for a member of Congress—someone whose campaign I was running for the US Senate in Florida. I had dosed myself the evening before with Oxycontin. I remember sitting at my desk, sweating profusely, unable to keep my food down. Completely uncomfortable. It was my first time being dope sick. I walked into the bathroom, put some water on my face, took a look at myself—and remember saying, “This is it, wow, I must be hooked.” I knew I had a problem then because instead of seeking help or telling anyone, all I wanted to do was get more and continue getting high.
How did you rationalize your drinking and using?
It kept me functional. For some odd reason, I felt I was most creative while high. I was always afraid that if you took my opiates away, my motivation and creativity would go with it. In 2010, I vividly remember going to bed one night—in a shoddy motel room on Federal Highway in Fort Lauderdale, Florida—telling myself that if this is all my life has to offer, then I’d be more than okay with it. As long as I had my stash.
What do you consider your bottom?
My best friend Garrett coming into my apartment, which I was 24 hours from getting kicked out of (again), seeing me on my couch dope sick again, telling me that if I didn’t do something, it I didn’t get help—he was willing to get into a violent fight with me. Knowing I didn’t have money to bail out of jail. Hoping I’d at least detox in a safe space and someone might be able to help me there. He told me he knew I was going to die if something didn’t change.
Did you go to rehab?
I only had General Relief at the time and was put into Tarzana for detox in fall 2014. I actually left against medical advice after five days of detox to get high one more time on the street. I called Mike Bloom at Pasadena Recovery Center on Thanksgiving Eve 2014 and begged him to help me get help. To please take me in, even though I had no money at the time. I promised to figure something out once I got there. He had a tremendous amount of compassion and allowed me to come in. Thank God for his willingness to work with my family so that we could afford it.
Did anything significant happen while in rehab that is important to your sobriety?
Yes. The moment I finally surrendered. The day I got kicked out—my recovery date, February 2, 2015. I was sitting on my bed, packing the few things I actually owned into plastic trash bags, knowing I was walking out and not having any idea what was going to happen. I cried and asked whatever was out there to help me. I was done. I had been done for a long time, I just didn’t really know it until then. I realized this was it. Either I was going to walk the path set before me, or I was going to die. Completely convinced that death was literally at my doorstep, I decided to throw everything out that I thought I knew and begin listening to others. Even if I felt I wasn’t being authentic. I took the approach fake it ‘till you make it.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
Honestly, I’ve learned not to “hate” anything since getting into recovery. I’ve actually learned to become grateful for every single part of my journey. It’s what’s allowed me to become the person I am today. Realizing this, admitting complete defeat of my past, has given me a sense of freedom that I’ve never felt in my entire life.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
Everything.
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
- Stay connected to those who’ve walked this path before you
- Help others
- Be my complete, authentic self—even when it’s uncomfortable
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
Keep your head up and your heart open.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
Finding my own voice. Realizing that not just my story/experiences, but those of others, have tremendous power.
If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
Forget what you know. Forget what you feel. Focus on the here and now. This is the best opportunity for you to find freedom—in so many more ways than just not drinking or using. Listen to those who’ve taken this path and heed their advice. Treatment is great; it’s a huge step forward. But recovery begins the day you walk out those doors.
Click here to read all our How I Got Sober stories
Learn more about Ryan on his website. See our AfterPartyHero story on Ryan here and listen to his AfterPartyPod episode here.
Photo provided by Ryan Hampton; used with permission.
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