Staying home sick from school in the ‘70s and ‘80s usually had very little to do with a legitimate illness for me, and more to do with the stellar lineup of reruns shown on local daytime TV. Bewitched at 2 pm, Beverly Hillbillies at 12:30 pm and especially The Mary Tyler Moore Show at 10 am. In addition to the iconic and infectious beret tossing opening credits, The Mary Tyler Moore Show was exactly what I wanted my grown-up life to look like: eclectic friends, a groovy apartment to myself, a cool job and—most of all—independence.
To a queer kid, people like Mary Richards represented a way out of the boring life you grew up in and the idea that anybody of any gender could follow their dreams. When news of her death hit recently, I, like other kids of the ‘70s, was devastated. Within hours, people from the worlds of entertainment, fashion and journalism were singing Mary Tyler Moore’s praises and influence. Most knew her as an award winning actress, a trailblazing producer and an advocate for diabetes—but she had yet another accomplishment that, as a die-hard fan, really blew me away: Mary Tyler Moore got sober.
Ordinary People
Part of the magic of the “Mary Richards” character was her relatability. Everybody had an aunt, mother or neighbor who reminded them of Mary. She wasn’t an ice-cold glamour goddess. She was a hard-working woman, trying to get by just like the people watching at home. So, when Mary Tyler Moore the person started to talk openly about her real-life struggles, her relatability and stature as a celebrity exploded.
The themes of alcoholism and addiction pop up all over the story of her life, starting with her own mother. Moore described her in the memoir Growing Up Again as an “entertaining alcoholic” but added, “When one’s mother is an alcoholic and, despite a child’s pleading with her to stop, she continues, you may read that as a cold, selfish act on her part.” Despite being born into an alcoholic home, Moore started drinking in the 1960s to deal with the pressures of her blossoming career, ignoring her diabetes (which required regular insulin injections). Moore writes, “though my blood sugars were erratic, I sure drank consistently every evening at six o’clock.” In 1978, one year after her iconic sitcom went off the air, Moore’s sister died of a drug and alcohol overdose. Two years later, her estranged son Richie also fell victim to the family disease and got hooked on cocaine, then accidentally shot himself at the age of 24. Then in the early 1980s, Moore’s own alcoholism had hit a boiling point. “Inside I was scared. I knew I’d gone over an edge, some edge, and I didn’t know what to grab for steadiness. I couldn’t, wouldn’t stop,” she wrote.
Making it After All
Moore finally hit bottom and wound up in the Betty Ford Center in 1984. Like myself and a lot of other sober alcoholics I know, Moore said getting sober forced her to look at her life and finally grow up. While there, she became good friends with the founder—former First Lady, Betty Ford. Years later, Moore’s own mother would also get sober at Betty Ford. “You see, at that time (and less so today) many women felt that being a female alcoholic was a disgrace, the lowest of the low, and that an intelligent, well-read, dignified woman couldn’t possibly be a drunk,” Moore wrote. But Ford “was, first and foremost, a lady (kind, well-mannered, gracious), anything but the commonly held image of an alcoholic woman.” Shortly before getting sober, Mary Tyler Moore would meet Robert Levine, a physician she would later marry and stay married to for the rest of her life.
Love Is All Around
It could seem unimportant or incidental that a star like Mary Tyler Moore would talk about her battle with alcoholism. But sharing our stories is just what we people in recovery do to stay sober. Just last night, a friend shared her own tale of bottoming out. I’ve known her for a few years and yet never heard this story. I, of course, related, despite being a different gender and getting sober on the other side of the country. We laughed and did a lot of “Uh huh. Me too!’ type of responses. And that’s what Mary Tyler Moore’s story does for people too, even the ones who don’t have Emmys or stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Sure, Mary Tyler Moore’s story of recovery is a rare and special one, considering we only usually hear about celebrities dying from addiction or alcoholism. But it’s consistent with the tough-as-nails woman I grew up idolizing while pretending I was sick. Whether it was on The Dick Van Dyke Show having hysterical crying fits or her breathtaking dramatic turn in Ordinary People, Mary Tyler Moore personified a vulnerability that wasn’t weakness. It was empowered and very real. As a performer, she had an empathy that touched our hearts, and her real-life vulnerability and fearless honesty did the same thing.
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