This post was originally published on October 21, 2015.
If you are the parent of a teenager, or someday will be, I imagine it must be tricky to find the line between protecting them and violating their privacy. Obviously, you know your child better than anyone, so if you have even an inkling that your kid might be coloring outside the lines (or snorting them) I am here to give you permission to go through their things.
So are the people of South Shore Hospital’s Youth Health Connection, a department dedicated to all aspects of children’s’ health, who have created Hidden in Plain Sight, an exhibit currently showing at the mall in Hanover, Massachusetts. The display is designed to mirror what we imagine a typical teenager’s bedroom to look like (although if my room was this neat when I was in high school my mother would have turned it into a shrine). According to Yahoo! News, while the room is completely innocent to the naked eye, there are 60 items in this demo that could be used to conceal alcohol and drug use.
Use Is Not Abuse
Notice how I didn’t say abuse? Just because a teenager, or anyone for that matter, is experimenting with a vice doesn’t mean they are abusing it. However, studies have shown that the earlier a person starts using alcohol or drugs (no matter how little) the higher their chances of developing a problem later in life. Never mind the damage that these kinds of activities do to a still-forming brain. I wish I could tell you that I drank a lot as a teen and turned out fine. But the truth is, I dropped out of college, became an alcoholic, and have spent more than 20 years in all kind of therapy and 12-step work trying to find inner peace. And I am one of the lucky ones because I actually found it.
What to Look For
So what might be signs of your teen on drugs? Water bottles filled with vodka, a computer mouse doubling as a pill case, a key chain that might also be a pipe (though this one seems curious, wouldn’t it smell?). These are apparently just some of the hidden clues to what your seemingly normal, hydrated and tech savvy teen might be up to. Other things to watch out for? Ping-pong balls. These could mean the apple of your eye is into beer pong. A otherwise harmless bottle opener could also be a red flag (I mean, just how much Mexican coke is he drinking?) and finally, a bent spoon, which absolutely, positively means your kid is either shooting or free-basing something. No, you should not believe her when she tells you it’s part of a science project.
Drawing the Line at Safety
While we want our children to trust us and feel like we respect them and their space, the fact is, they may be more vulnerable than we realize to peer pressure or poor decision-making. In some ways, teens need protection more during the adolescent years because while they have earned some adult privileges— going to the movies alone, having a cell phone or even driving—they are still just kids. Actually they are kids with growing need for independence (and sex!).
Kind of Ashamed
Of course, the 15-year old girl inside of me, who snuck out of the house on school nights to get drunk with boys in their 20s, is mortified with myself right now. Sure, I was a chock full o’ bad decisions at that age (and until about 30) but since nothing really too bad happened, I am slightly ashamed to be doling out advice that would have ruined my life had my own mother abided. What can I say? I am an adult now and trust me—no one is more upset about that then me.
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