People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Shane:
Click here to see all of our How I Got Sober stories. Do you want to be featured in How I Got Sober? Email us for details.
What is your sobriety date?
September 11, 2013
Where did you get sober?
Sebastopol, California
When did you start drinking?
I started drinking when I was 15.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?
I was confused, pissed off at the world and insecure.
What were your childhood and teenage years like?
My childhood was unpredictable. My father struggled and continues to struggle today with addiction and mental illness. My mother tried to hold us all together. They both tried the best they knew how but fought often. The police showing up to break up domestic disputes was a regular occurrence. There were also some good times like concerts, baseball games and birthday parties. We moved around a lot. My parents were never homeowners growing up. I think that ties back into life being unpredictable, where it could go from heaven to hell in an instant. I love them both regardless and would not be who I am today without going through those times as a kid.
As a teenager I was respectful but had a “fuck the world” attitude that stemmed from being angry and confused. I felt misunderstood I think. I also never wanted to be at home so I stayed out as much as I could. I found that being high or intoxicated took the worry, anxiety and pain away. It also made me feel confident and strong. I also found that hardcore and punk rock music made me feel good and dove in head first to that scene.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
Probably in my mid 20s. I kept telling myself I was going to quit drinking and partying. I put together a couple of sober weeks a few times but it never lasted. Each time I started again it progressively got worse. I started to not care about anything but being intoxicated. At this point, along with other financial and marital issues, I knew I had a problem.
How did you rationalize your drinking?
It’s just what I did. Everyone drank. It’s what I saw growing up at home. It was “normal.” You were a square if you did not party—at least that is what I thought for a long time. It was easy for me to convince myself that getting fucked up was the norm. In addition, I would be a liar if I said I didn’t enjoy the high of any substance most of the time which made it really easy to justify.
What do you consider your bottom?
I looked in the mirror one morning and realized I was becoming everything I never wanted to be. My marriage was on the fence. I felt like a shitty father to my two-year-old baby girl, Lucy, and it was getting harder and harder to show up for work every day. I was miserable and ungrateful, and not willing to take any personal responsibility for what I had become. At the same time, God had blessed me with so many things, but I could see none of them. To bring this full circle, I was tired of fighting myself, tired of hurting and tired of blaming. When I humbled myself and asked for help, my weakest point became my strongest victory.
Did you go to rehab?
I did. I went to an amazing place called Azure Acres in Sebastopol, California from September 11th, 2013 to October 11, 2013.
Did anything significant happen while in rehab that is important to your sobriety?
I saw a guy named Mark Lundholm speak. Mark is a comedian and well known dude in the recovery community. Many of the things he said opened my eyes up. I also had great therapy with my counselor James Canter, another amazing dude. The whole staff was great but one more guy that had a solid impact on me at Azure was David. His way of translating the severity of addiction—but that there is still hope—is like no other.
Did you go to AA? If so, what did you think of it at first? How do you feel about it now?
Yes. I had been familiar with it a couple of times before so it was not a shock to me. I think it is a great program if you work the program. Like anything else, you get out of it what you put into it.
Have you worked the 12 steps? What is your opinion on them?
I am going through the steps again now for the second time. The first time I did them it was a half-assed attempt. I was not ready. I am currently working them again and it is completely different. I think the steps are imperative in working a successful program.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
Nothing. If I didn’t go through what I went through, I would not be the man I am today.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
I love not ever waking up with a fucking hangover!
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
A spiritual awakening and relationship with God, a sponsor and Sober Guy Radio.
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
Move your ass and your mind will follow.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
The most valuable thing is the ability to be honest with myself and learn who I am as a human being. Next to that is learning how to have healthy relationships with my family, friends and others.
If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help. When I humbled myself and asked for help my weakest point became my strongest victory. There is hope and you can become the person you have always wanted to be. Don’t give up.
Any additional thoughts?
Please check out Sober Guy Radio on all the major podcast platforms. Find me on Facebook and Twitter. (Listen to Shane on AfterPartyPod here.)
Click here to read all our How I Got Sober Stories.
Photo provided by Shane Ramer. Used with permission.
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