People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Mary:
Click here to see all of our How I Got Sober stories. Do you want to be featured in How I Got Sober? Email us for details.
What is your sobriety date?
October 27, 2015 (I have slipped a couple of times but I believe that was the beginning of my work.)
Where did you get sober?
Where I live and work, Vermont.
When did you start drinking?
I starting drinking in 1978 but hated it at first. I would walk behind everyone and dump my beer and then everyone thought I was this impressive drinker so I assumed the role.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?
Tired. I was always tired. Chardonnay became my very best friend and I would bring others along, just so I didn’t drink alone. Driving home after several glasses (bottles) of wine. Checking my car in the morning making sure there was no sign of hitting something, someone. Grateful nothing ever did happen. Avoiding people and events on weekends because I felt like shit.
What was your childhood like? Teenage years?
My childhood was traumatic with sexual abuse and violence in the home. I grew up in a highly dysfunctional family. I was the eighth of nine children in 10 years, my dad was a raging alcoholic.
My teenage years are when I learned how to escape with drinking and drugging. I was a good student and an athlete during high school. I went to college but spent the entire time downtown drinking until I finally dropped out.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
I am not entirely sure when I thought I had a problem. I know when someone brought it up, I would question it and ask people what they thought and I was always told no, that I didn’t have a problem. I became fascinated with shows that showed addiction, i.e. Intervention and Celebrity Rehab. Then I found a radio show called Klean Radio. It was at that point I discovered Erica Spiegleman and everything she said resonated with me so I contacted her and began my recovery.
How did you rationalize your drinking?
By watching those shows—everyone was so much worse than me and I was able to maintain my job so I couldn’t be an alcoholic. I stopped pot and cocaine on my own so I certainly didn’t have the addiction gene.
What do you consider your bottom?
I ended up in a hotel room with someone I encountered at a bar. I didn’t know the person at all. My 17-year-old son picked me up because he knew I was not capable of driving. He does not know what happened at the hotel nor does my husband. No one in my family knows. The fact that I did what I did and had to get a ride home was humiliating enough for me to finally get real.
P.S. I am married to a wonderful man.
Did you go to rehab?
No, I did not go to rehab.
Did you go to AA or work the 12 steps? What is your opinion on it?
No. I have not worked the steps and I really don’t believe in them, however I do believe there is no one way. My father got sober with help of AA and my oldest son is in AA and just got his first year medallion. It’s working for him and I am very proud.
What did you do to seek help and stay sober?
I started working with Erica Spiegelman, author of Rewired: A Bold New Approach to Addiction and Recovery. We started a weekly telephone session and after a while went to every two weeks. I am now working with a local addiction therapist who combines therapy with EDMR and Bikram Yoga. She is amazing.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
Sometimes I really miss the social aspect and the wine buzz. I still crave that buzz.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
Tough question. All I know is, now that I know I can’t drink, I do other things that actually make me feel better and look great.
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
Staying in the present, becoming authentic and yoga.
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
It’s not really a mantra, but I wear a bracelet every that says “Grateful,” just to remind me.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
The valuable things are still happening. Continual learning is essential for me to stay sober and have healthy relationships.
If you could offer someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
Find that person who gets you, that you can get completely honest with, and who can help you understand your life and why things went in the direction they did and how to turn that around.
Any additional thoughts?
I’ve been and lived a certain way for so many years, the fact that I am starting to believe my life can be different is nothing short of a miracle.
Click here to read all our How I Got Sober stories.
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