Finally, after five weeks of what felt like a televised form of throat clearing, this week’s episode of Lindsay contained interesting moments that actually resembled real life—or what passes as real life for the Lohans. As Dina says, pointing to the cameras, “Rolling. It’s called ‘reality.’ You can’t talk in front of them.”
Dina’s Dishin’
Those might seem to be surprisingly astute words from Dina, even more cynical than Warren Beatty’s question to Madonna in Truth or Dare.
But in fact Dina was, as usual, stunningly unaware of how her words and behavior don’t match. Alas, it’s a lack of awareness that Lindsay suffers from as well. See also: every addict on the planet. There are some actions you cannot rationalize. And believe me, these Lohans don’t even try.
Dina’s Drama
First, Lindsay has to hang with her mom’s ghostwriter, who Dina has brought over and then promptly tried to muzzle, not wanting her to ask Lindsay about her mother, father or the book they’re working on. And what would that be? That much-needed bio of Dina Lohan’s life, the one all the philosophy departments have been clamoring for? Christ. Dina and the GW seriously considered calling the book Parent Trapped but then didn’t want a “victim title” so are just going for Dina Lohan: My Story. The victim will clearly be anyone cursed with functioning eyes and ears that has to endure the marketing of this bullshit taradiddle.
Anyway, the Ghostwriter dodges Dina and enters some interesting arenas, getting Lindsay to talk about when she was 18, living in LA while filming Freaky Friday and happened to walk into a hotel room where her father was doing drugs. (I wonder if Lindsay knew that Jamie Lee Curtis’ own dad, Tony Curtis, had done beaucoup scouring of his own nasal passages, and ranks pretty high on Hollywood’s Deadbeat Dad list?) Lindsay talks about the drama of her father’s coming and goings and how when he was gone, the money would go, too. Dina sits silent, flipping that damned asbestos curtain she calls hair, as Lindsay talks about being 18 alone in Hollywood. “I didn’t know how to manage family life and I was angry, you know. I was angry…I needed a mom.”
Then It All Leads Back to Lindsay
And the girl is still angry, in that unaware way. She still needs to bring her parents’ chaos into other people’s lives. She seems aware of how this pattern has hurt her in the past but not how it is doing so now. She manages to show up successfully for a two-hour gig appearing at a Halloween party (for which she was paid $100,000!?) but craps out of an Elle Indonesia shoot, after delaying her arrival for hours.
And that’s when Lindsay turned Seinfeld. In English, the Elle Indonesia editorial crew are gentle as springtime rain, saying things like, “She is a good actress and..everybody deserves a second chance.” But the documentary producers miked the same people conversing in Indonesian and the convo was a bit different. Along the lines of: “Lindsay Lohan is a bitch…She wants a comeback? It won’t be much of a comeback.”
The shoot is rescheduled, there are issues with lighting and the photographer only uses natural light. I feel he might be guilty of not knowing how to change his own camera lens. A third day of a shoot is added but Lindsay won’t stick around for a promised interview.
Self Sabotage
See? All she talks about is wanting to get work but it’s so often self-sabotaged. Lindsay Lohan seems to live in paranoia that anything she does will end up on YouTube, yet is unable to grasp that fashion editors and photographers will spread the word around about her behavior on this shoot—still unreliable, still twisting under a yoke of resentment and entitlement. If a life of fame is living like a rat in a cage, multiply it by 100 for a famous addict.
But oh, $100,000 for two hours’ work? You can buy a damn fine cage for that.
Coming Up: We’re going to hear about Lindsay’s sex partner list and she breaks down in tears while saying, “About those two weeks that I took off—no one knows this but…”
Photo courtesy of Joel Kramer via Flickr (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/ ) (resized and cropped)
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