With big celebs like Tiger Woods and Russell Brand coming out about sex addiction over the past few years, the phrase is not only commonplace in our everyday vernacular but also widely debated. Since compulsive cheating seems to be one of the behaviors endemic to sex addiction, it makes sense that both betrayed partners and the public at large might be a bit skeptical about using the “disease” as an excuse for shitty behavior.
There’s really no excuse to cheat on someone you care about. I’ve got nothing against polyamory, and if you’re open with your partner, then I say have as many hot rendezvous as you want. It’s covering it up, lying and sneaking around that makes this behavior super cruel.
But is it still cruel if someone has a bonafide sex addiction? And is sex addiction even a real thing? There are people who believe this is a matter not even worth questioning, other similarly minded folks who create helpful (and occasionally humorous) determination guides semi akin to AA’s 20 questions. And it’s a topic that’s been debated over and over again. Now another prominent ish person is chiming in.
A Writer of Many Opinions
Rachel Corbett, a well-followed sex and love columnist for the Australia outlet News.com, questions the legitimacy of sex addiction and wonders if it’s complete moral cop-out. In response to Tiger Woods’ recent relapse—he screwed some chick during his three-year relationship with the blonde Olympian bombshell Lindsey Vonn—Corbett wrote an opinion piece that won’t make any sex addict too happy.
“It seems wherever you look these days, people are racing to explain away bad behaviour with a syndrome and sex addiction feels like the perfect excuse to justify someone’s refusal to keep hold of their moral compass,” she writes.
She’s got a point. But when sex addiction experts weigh in, they do present some hard scientific evidence that the addiction is not just an excuse. More than anything, these addicts get a rush of endorphins with each rendevous, and, like a good heroin addict, they’ve got to keep going back for more, or they start jonesing.
And jonesing can be pretty fucking awful.
An Expert With Some Facts
Heide McConkey, an expert sexologist from Affirmotive Australia, insists the endorphins released in a sex addict when they fuck someone levels out stress and keeps them balanced, hence they keep going back for more.
“It’s a survival mechanism,” Heidi told News.com. “If they don’t release the stress it can result in heart attack or stroke. Sex addicts need to be rehabilitated so they understand where their stress levels come from and how to manage them.”
Heart attack or stroke? That seems a bit over the top. Never mind the fact that a day trip to a spa at the Ritz, which Woods can obviously afford, might be more stress relieving than the lying and sneaking around he’d have to engage in to screw some hot girl.
A Question of Willpower?
It’s certainly not pretty to watch sex addicts ruin the lives of their partners. At the same time, articles like Corbitt’s add to the stigma of sex addiction, potentially inhibiting the men and women who need help from reaching out.
Any addiction, including alcoholism, gambling and drug addiction, will bring some dark consequences to the addict and those around them. They’ll get into it with the law, employers, loan sharks, family members and maybe even the mob. None of these guys are going to cosign their bullshit, except for maybe the family members, and if they do they need Al-Anon.
But just because these addicts are acting stupid and hurting those around them doesn’t mean they’re moral failures. And how many of us had to relapse over and over (ahem, yours truly) before we finally stayed clean and sober?
No, sex addiction shouldn’t excuse cheating, but yes, sex addiction is a legitimate disorder. Coming to terms with both of these realities is the jumping off point to having realistic and adult conversations and encouraging real recovery.
As for Lindsey Vonn, she allegedly dumped Woods when she got the news. Who cares whether or not she believes if sex addiction is real? Not everyone would have the self-respect and the balls to do that, but not everyone would speed down ski slopes at 80 mph either.
Photo courtesy of Angela George [CC BY-SA 3.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons (resized and cropped)
Sponsored DISCLAIMER: This is a paid advertisement for California Behavioral Health, LLC, a CA licensed substance abuse treatment provider and not a service provided by The Fix. Calls to this number are answered by CBH, free and without obligation to the consumer. No one who answers the call receives a fee based upon the consumer’s choice to enter treatment. For additional info on other treatment providers and options visit www.samhsa.gov.
