When an individual feels out of control with his (or her) sexual activities, this may signal the presence of a sexual addiction. Contrary to what some may still believe, a sex addict is not someone who simply likes to have sex a lot. Sexual addiction is much more complex than this and its destructive behaviors usually lead to a host of consequences that can affect the addict personally, professionally and financially.
Until the early 1980s, the idea of sex addiction was rarely, if ever, discussed. When leading sex addiction expert, Dr. Patrick Carnes, published his groundbreaking book, “Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction” in 1983, therapies and recovery groups began to crop up in various cities. Today, there are thousands of treatment centers, specialized therapists and recovery programs available in the U.S. and abroad to treat sexual addiction.
Causes of Sexual Addiction
Although a number of factors can contribute to an individual’s sex addiction, the cause is often rooted in the addict’s childhood or adolescence. Childhood sexual abuse, shame and anxiety can lead to compulsive sexual behaviors if the addict lacks healthy coping skills for dealing with past traumas. The cycle of an addict’s compulsive behaviors often looks something like this:
- The addict experiences stress, anger or a fear of intimacy.
- These mismanaged feelings cause the addict to engage in a ritual or routine that leads to compulsive sexual behaviors (e.g. seeking escorts online, contacting members of hook-up sites, etc.).
- The addict engages in compulsive sexual behaviors, fueled by feelings of euphoria due to chemical changes taking place in the brain.
- Following the act, the addict experiences shame, guilt and despair because of their compulsive sexual behaviors.
- To combat these feelings, the addict may “swear off” future impulsive sexual behaviors. However, the cycle is repeated once the addict experiences unpleasant feelings or emotions again.
Addicts often use compulsive sexual behaviors as a means of escaping problems or “numbing out” negative feelings. When an addict’s behaviors cause negative consequences in a relationship or at work, this can prompt further compulsive sexual behaviors. Sexual addiction is a progressive disease, meaning the compulsive behaviors must become progressively more risky over time in order to achieve the same levels of euphoria.
Types of Sex Addiction
Sex addiction is an emotional intimacy disorder characterized by obsessive fantasizing and compulsive sexual behaviors, called “acting out.” There are several ways this disorder can manifest itself, described below as the different types of sex addiction. The differences between these types of sexual addiction lie in the specific kinds of compulsive behaviors displayed when the addict acts out.
Love Addiction
As with other types of sex addicts, love addicts constantly search for something outside of themselves that makes them feel whole and provides the emotional stability they crave. They are addicted to the intense rush of new romance, never allowing their relationships to progress beyond this initial, intoxicating stage. After enter into a relationship, love addicts begin to feel restless, detached and unhappy once the rush fades. Because of this, they repeatedly fall in love, looking for the “perfect” romantic partner.
Common signs of love addiction include:
- Constantly searching for a new romantic partner
- Feelings of intense loneliness when they are not in a romantic relationship
- Compulsive use of sex and fantasy to mask the pain of loneliness
- Choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable
- Participating in activities they don’t enjoy in order to keep a partner
- Using sexual manipulation or seduction to prevent a partner from leaving them
- A desperate need to please their partner in order to avoid abandonment
- The inability to maintain a romantic relationship once the excitement has worn off
Occasionally engaging in these behaviors does not indicate a love addiction. Love addicts exhibit a consistent and ongoing pattern of these behaviors in all romantic relationships.
Pornography Addiction
Viewing pornography on occasion, either alone or with a consensual partner, does not necessarily indicate there’s a problem or addiction. A porn addiction is characterized by the frequent compulsion to view pornographic material, no matter what consequences it may cause. According to Fox News, there are eight signs to watch for with a porn addiction:
- Loss of interest in social activities
- Loss of interest in sex with the primary partner
- Becoming uncharacteristically rough or demanding during sex
- Intimacy Anorexia (an inability to be intimate or sexual with the primary partner)
- Uncharacteristic nit-picking of a partner’s appearance
- Lying or acting defensive when questioned about porn use
- Spending an excessive amount of private time on the internet
- Negative changes in behavior, such as picking fights and holding grudges
In addition to these eight signs of addiction, it’s important to note that many porn addicts risk losing their careers by engaging in pornographic viewing on their computers at work.
Paraphilia Addiction
Psychology Today describes paraphilia as an emotional disorder defined by a person’s preoccupation with sexual behaviors and fantasies that are considered unusual or extreme. In Dr. Carnes book, “Don’t Call It Love,” he lists 10 types of sexual addiction paraphilias:
- Anonymous Sex
- Fantasy Sex
- Sex for Trade
- Paid Sex
- Exhibitionism
- Voyeurism
- Sadomasochism
- Intrusive Sex (non-consensual)
- Exploitative Sex
- Seductive Role Sex
With the exception of masochism, paraphilias are typically more common in men than women.
Treatment for Sex Addiction
If you or a loved one suffers from sexual addiction, there is hope for recovery. Sex treatment centers, CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist) counseling and various 12-step recovery programs are available in most states. Many recovering sex addicts begin treatment in a sex rehab center and attend 12 step program meetings after returning home. Sex Addicts Anonymous, Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous are all 12-step recovery programs that have helped countless sex addicts regain control of their lives.
While an inpatient program isn’t always necessary for a successful recovery, it is often the best option. Plus, your health insurance policy may cover some or all of the costs for treatment. Take a look at our comprehensive directory to find a sex addiction treatment center near you.
[Source: Psychology Today]