People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Robert:
Click here to see all of our How I Got Sober stories. Do you want to be featured in How I Got Sober? Email us here for details.
What is your sobriety date?
March 28, 2014
When did you get sober?
I got sober the night my daughter came to get me. She received a phone call from a friend of mine who told her, “If you ever want to see your dad alive again, you better go get him.”
When did you start drinking?
I started drinking heavily late in life, around 57. I built a bar in my house and would come home and have a cocktail. One led to two, two led to three. Yeah, you get the picture.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?
Chaotic would be a good description. Pathetic would definitely apply. Sad man who lied every day is pretty spot on.
What was your childhood like? Teenage years?
My childhood was very normal. My parents didn’t drink and there was no influence that would cause me to become an alcoholic. My grandfather was an alcoholic, and a bad one. I never considered family history would come to haunt me. In my teenage years I drank beer and partied like all my friends. I grew up in a small town where drinking and parties were the thing to do. My partying continued through college. Then after getting pulled over for an open container, I quit drinking.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
I think early on I had no idea I could become an alcoholic. Later, when I started drinking nightly I could sense something wasn’t right. The day I knew for sure I had a problem was a Saturday afternoon. I was working on an old amplifier, I got up and walked to my bar and had two shots. Working on old amplifiers is a very dangerous and requires concentration. I was not concerned about that, I was just compelled to take some shots. I electrocuted myself that day.
How did you rationalize your drinking?
I honestly felt it made life better. I was convinced I had found a way to make life more fun and manageable. I sincerely thought I was going to be able to drink for the rest of my life. Of course this is like saying I can play center for the Lakers.
What do you consider your bottom?
I think it was my last struggle to get to my feet, get dressed and stagger to the liquor store. I remember forcing every step of the way. I hadn’t showered in a week nor had I eaten. Despite all that, I wanted that bottle, and I was going to get it! When I got back home (which took every ounce of energy I had left), I collapsed on my bed and thought this is your last bottle because you can’t make it back there, might as well die.
Did you go to rehab?
I was in three rehabs in 2013. They were all in Northern California.
Did anything significant happen while in rehab that is important to your sobriety?
After the first rehab, I got out and was feeling great. I walked by a liquor store one day and stopped to look inside. I thought to myself, I am not actually an alcoholic. I am going to go in there, buy a bottle, go home, have a couple of shots, and call it a night. That’s the last thing I remember of that plan. The second rehab was a similar story. I just didn’t want to admit I was an alcoholic.
The third rehab was a different story. I had to spend four days in the hospital before I could be admitted to the rehab. I was so weak and frail I could barely walk. After two days in bed, I stumbled to my first meeting. As I sat there looking around at everyone at the meeting, it finally struck me: I truly am an alcoholic; there is no denying this anymore.
What did you think of AA?
I hated it at first but grew to like it. I became friends with people there, and took commitments to be secretary for two meetings. Making these commitments helped me connect to the AA community.
Have you worked the 12 steps? What is your opinion on them?
I have, and I think everyone in life could benefit from doing this. The steps will make you examine yourself down to the core. You will find things that need changing and discarding. You will ultimately become a better person.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
Being a liar. Not being able to be accountable. Not caring about others anymore. Lastly, hating myself to the point of not wanting to live anymore.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
The ability to escape life anytime I felt like it. Having a private world of bliss all to myself and not caring about tomorrow.
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
Telling the truth no matter how painful it is. Eating well and exercising. Learning from the past and employing those lessons in my everyday life.
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
Sobriety is all about change.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
Learning that helping others is extremely rewarding. Changing my old ways of thinking about myself and the world I live in.
If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
Take an honest look at your life. Do you really think this life is sustainable?
Any additional thoughts?
Sober living homes are a great resource to get your life back on track. When you get out of rehab go live in one for at least six months—it may save your life or, at the very least, save you from further damage and misery.
Find more about me at Sober Apple or on Twitter.
Photo provided by Robert Apple; used with permission. Click here to read all of our How I Got Sober stories.
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