READER SPOTLIGHT: How I Got Sober: Zach
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READER SPOTLIGHT: How I Got Sober: Zach

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READER SPOTLIGHT How I Got Sober ZachPeople get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Zach:

Read all our How I Got Sober stories here.

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What is your sobriety date?

November 27, 2015

Where did you get sober?

Los Angeles, California

When did you start drinking?

I started drinking around 15.

How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?

Before I quit drinking, my life was moderate at best. I identify as a “high bottom,” but the more sober I get, the more I realize I was on my way to disaster. I may not have been drinking every day, but when I did it was always as heavily as possible. I was a binge drinker through and through. I based all of my social interactions around the comfort alcohol gave me and could count on one hand the number of times I had sex while sober. I was lying to everyone about something, and to myself about a lot of things.

What were your childhood and teenage years like?

My childhood was normal enough, though I always remember screaming and fighting between my parents. They divorced around the time I turned 11 and I started drinking a few years later. My growing habit was happily endorsed by my Dad’s Irish Catholic side of the family. My mother, however, was horrified if she ever found a bottle of booze under my bed. As a closeted teen, I used alcohol to feel comfortable in social situations. The boys I liked were usually big drinkers, and I found out I could get closer to them at the bottom of a bottle. My first (second, third, fourth, fifth) time hooking up with a guy was under the veil of a drunken stupor, and it soon became the primary way I felt comfortable expressing physical attraction. College made the gay stuff a little easier, but by then my drinking habits were stronger than ever.

When did you first think you might have a problem?

I didn’t truly think I had a problem until a couple months before my sobriety date. If I ever referenced myself as an alcoholic before that point I did it in a funny “isn’t it neat that I have a drinking problem?” sort of way. I always saw heavy drinking as something cool people did, so I didn’t consider it a “problem” until I was actually trying to make a conscious effort to stop.

How did you rationalize your drinking?

Toward the end I tried to rationalize drinking with special life events, or “champagne moments.” I booked a gig—let’s get a drink! It’s my half birthday—let’s get a drink! It’s hump day—let’s get a drink! I of course found these celebratory moments whenever I wanted to. You’d be shocked at how many reasons there are to celebrate.

What do you consider your bottom?

My 20s? Can your bottom last a decade? I think about this often, but I don’t have any one moment that sticks out as an epiphany. Looking back I had tons of “bottoms” sprinkled throughout my drinking history—driving my motorcycle while black-out drunk, having unprotected sex with that one guy, lying to my friends and family about the state of my mental and physical health…but I guess my turning point was the night before my sobriety date. It was Thanksgiving day and my friends and I had DRANK the night before (after all, it’s the biggest bar night of the year—what better thing to celebrate?). I was beyond hungover, trying to help my friend prep dinner, and I remember telling myself not to drink. Why would I? I had drank so much the night before and found myself in absolute pain. And yet, by the time the food was served I looked down and a glass of wine was in my hands. I honestly couldn’t remember pouring it. That was the moment I knew I needed help.

Did you go to rehab?

Nope!

Did you go to AA? If so, what did you think of it at first? How do you feel about it now?

Thankfully one of my newer friends was a pillar in the Los Angeles AA community. He took me to Hollywood Squares in Los Feliz—my very first meeting. I rejected almost everything about AA at first. The speakers were wonderful and I even teared up during one or two of their stories, but I remember feeling like I didn’t belong. I thought I was above AA, that its members were losers. It was such a group of misfits I just couldn’t see the appeal. Now, eight months into sobriety, I know it’s the place for me. I look around and see beautiful people, trying their best to better themselves and the world around them. People in AA are some of the finest creatures roaming the planet.

Have you worked the 12 steps? What is your opinion on them?

Right now I’m on Step Four and the verdict is out. My sponsor tells me it gets really good around now…and I have faith that he’s right.

What do you hate about being an alcoholic?

The worst part about being an alcoholic is this seemingly unending fight with my brain. I find myself battling my thoughts CONSTANTLY. It’s exhausting.

What do you love about being an alcoholic?

I love the tenacity most alcoholics seem to have. I like to think of myself as a “go big or go home” type. I used that anthem while drinking and now I use it for my sobriety. My goal is to get as sober as I possibly can.

What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?

The three best tools I’ve acquired in my sobriety are friends, hobbies and exercise. Those three things can take my destructive mind and put it to good use.

Do you have a sobriety mantra?

Just don’t drink.

What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?

The most valuable part of recovery for me has been all of this uninterrupted time with myself. Since I’ve been a heavy drinker exactly half of my life, I’ve found I’m getting to know myself all over again. It’s been a really beautiful, heart-aching process to see what kind of person I truly am.

If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?

I know it’s said too much, and I risk sounding like a broken record, but keep coming back. I wouldn’t trade my time in this program for anything in the world.

Any additional thoughts?

Find me on Twitter and Instagram!

Photo provided by Zach Noe Towers; used with permission.

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About Author

AfterParty Magazine is the editorial division of RehabReviews.com. It showcases writers in recovery, some of whom choose to remain anonymous. Other stories by AfterParty Magazine are the collective effort of the AfterParty staff.