People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Patty.
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What is your sobriety date?
February 9, 2005
Where did you get sober?
Maplegrove Addiction Treatment Center in West Bloomfield, Michigan.
When did you start drinking?
Heavily in the 80s, after doing cocaine through the 70s. I had babies and switched my drug.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?
Incredibly fun, until it wasn’t anymore. I could not stop.
What were your childhood and teenage years like?
My mother died when I was 14. She was a brilliant alcoholic, and died in her 30s. I had no supervision, as my father started looking for a replacement. I was responsible for (or chose to be, I’m not clear on that) my younger brothers, then eight and six. It was pretty fucked up. I was already hanging out with the cool, older kids. Who doesn’t like a 14-year-old with her own house? The two little boys were just a slight distraction; they went to bed at eight. I still struggle with how I fucked them up.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
When I took my father to Maplegrove to get sober. He called me one morning and said, “It’s 10 am and I’m on my second pint—I think I need help.” This was around 1987. I was a super functional party girl, adoring mother to a six- and a four-year-old, holding together a fantastic life, living the dream. I arranged (because that’s what I do) for my dad to go into an intense inpatient rehab center that day. I learned very early how to network effectively. Oh, and I’ve always been extremely proactive, except I didn’t want to stop drinking. I’ve left out so many hurdles I’ve faced, all designed perfectly for me to abuse the hell out of my body and mind intentionally! Intoxication was always my end game.
How did you rationalize your drinking?
It was my reward for doing everything so right all day long. During the epicurean phase of my life (pleasure being the greatest good), I was deserving of the feast. I was, after all, such a good girl.
What do you consider your bottom?
I forgot my value. I stopped believing in myself. I couldn’t remember who I was. I drove on my lawn. I lied.
Did anything significant happen while in rehab that is important to your sobriety?
I had my mind made up to get sober right before I got there. I was a sponge. I was willing. The most uncanny thing happened while I was at rehab: I ran into my little brother there. I was an outpatient at the exact time he was an inpatient. And we had been estranged for many years. There is some power in that, right?
Did you go to AA?
Yes, AA is a huge part of my life. I’m all about AA. It gave me my life back.
What did you think of it at first? How do you feel about it now?
At first I was afraid of the “group think” but I grabbed a sponsor and that was that.
Have you worked the 12 steps? What is your opinion on them?
I continually go through the 12 steps, and I help others with them too. I do a book group every Thursday—we read a book relating to addiction. We read aloud to each other, and some books take months, some less. We stop and discuss, which is why it’s so powerful. We’re reading Man’s Search for Meaning by Vikto Frankl. So much of this book speaks to me.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
I hate the genetic component of the disease. I have a 25-year-old son and a 33-year-old daughter. I have so much to tell them but they don’t want to hear. Otherwise, I love being an alcoholic.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
The freedom to be real, to tell the truth, to be an open book. Being able to talk about it. Being able to drift off to sleep rather than pass out. Being able to wake up rather than come to. Remembering who I am. I hear that you stall the maturation process when you drink like I did. I am 62 but I feel 40. I have a childlike aspect to my personality and I love that! I worked so hard to get sober, and being sober is easy for me. And fun!
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
Meditation is huge for me. I have been a big fan of Tommy Rosen for many years, and I’ve learned a lot about quieting the mind. I can ruminate like no tomorrow and I overthink. I’m working on that. Prayer is big too. I am so thankful that I figured this out—or did I? Whoever got my shit together, thank you infinity! The fellowship of AA is always my best tool. That’s three, though I have a million more.
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
Lighten up—also my life mantra.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
Everything. I feel pain and I can cope with it. I still fall apart sometimes, but I know how to come together again. I never believed I could face pain without altering my mind. I can be intoxicated and sober—intoxicated on life and living it right.
If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
Just do it! Regrets suck, so don’t have them.
Any additional thoughts?
Yes! Always. But they don’t all need to be thought, right? Just thank you for this. It’s been cathartic.
Photo provided by Patty; used with permission. Click here to read all our other How I Got Sober stories.
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