People get sober in all sorts of ways. Sometimes they just quit on their own. Sometimes they go to rehab. They show up in 12-step rooms, ashrams, churches and their parents’ basements. There is no one right way—something we’ve aimed to show in our collection of How I Got Sober stories. While we initially published these as either first person essays by our contributors or as interviews with anonymous sober folks, we eventually began to realize that there were other stories to tell: yours. This is our reader spotlight and this, more specifically, is Drew:
Click here to see all of our How I Got Sober stories. Do you want to be featured in How I Got Sober? Email us for details.
What is your sobriety date?
June 28, 2015
Where did you get sober?
Charleston, SC
When did you start drinking?
I started drinking and smoking pot when I was 12. It started out as curiosity and wanting to be rebellious, but it did not take long for me to start drinking alcoholically. I would drink whiskey and vodka at school in 9th grade and was blacking out regularly by the end of high school.
How would you describe your life before you quit drinking?
On the outside, everything wasn’t really all that bad. I was able to hold a steady job, a relationship and had a pretty good social life. However, I was crumbling on the inside and full of self-loathing. I was completely dishonest, full of shame and anxiety and terrified that those around me would find out the drunk asshole I really was. I would numb those feelings with alcohol and keep the endless cycle going.
What were your childhood and teenage years like?
The early years of my childhood were actually really good. I had everything I could possibly want: successful loving parents, an awesome older sister, lots of friends, golden retrievers, white picket fences, country clubs and vacations. It was pretty much the stereotypical American dream.
However, it started going down south with my parents’ ugly divorce which happened right around the same time I started my drinking career. My mom left and my dad did his best to take care of us but traveled a lot, so I was able to party as much as I wanted at the age of 13. I was constantly in trouble so my parents tossed me back and forth through high school and I went to three high schools in three states. I held on to that as my excuse for reckless drinking and drug use.
I got my first DUI on my 19th birthday and blew a .26. Didn’t change anything as far as my drinking went. Not long after that, I lived in a dope house and watched a friend OD on heroin and die on my couch. I really worked hard to get my act together after that: graduated college, got a big boy job and moved to Charleston with my girlfriend. I thought I had finally grown up and put all of my booze-induced problems behind me.
When did you first think you might have a problem?
I didn’t start to think I might have a problem until the latter parts of my drinking career. Blackouts were becoming regular occurrences and while I did my best to laugh them off, they were terrifying and embarrassing. I also noticed that I felt discontent and irritable if I wasn’t drinking.
How did you rationalize your drinking?
In my warped sense of reality, I honestly thought that my drinking was completely normal. I just considered myself a heavy social drinker. I used my youth as an excuse, friends being bad influences, tough times in childhood, my parents, being sad, being happy, the list goes on. I noticed I got arrested more frequently than normal drinkers, but I told myself it was really bad luck. I was also really into craft beers, which was great way to disguise my drinking problem as a neat hobby.
What do you consider your bottom?
I had a few bottoms throughout my drinking. That defining bottom where I truly wanted help was April 2015 when I lost a relationship and got my 2nd DUI within weeks of each other. I was passed out in my car at a stop light. I was completely beaten down, defeated by alcohol and out of excuses.
Did you go to rehab?
I did not.
Did you go to AA? If so, what did you think of it at first? How do you feel about it now?
Yes. I went to my first meeting the day after I got out of jail from the DUI.
At first it was scary for me. I was a crying mess at my first meeting. No one grows up wanting to end up in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, so it was hard to come to terms with that. I also felt very awkward and uncomfortable talking to people before and after the meetings. Now, I couldn’t be more grateful for the program. It not only helps me to stay away from a drink, but also provides me a framework for living a life full of happiness and joy. AA keeps me centered when my old, what I like to call “default” tendencies start creeping back.
What do you hate about being an alcoholic?
I hate the wreckage that it caused for over half of my life. I hate that it severely damaged my relationships with family, friends and girlfriends. Working the program and making amends have helped with that, but there are some people that don’t ever want to hear from me which I just have to accept. Alcoholism is an ugly wrecking ball that can ruin the lives of all involved and I hate that.
What do you love about being an alcoholic?
I love the instant connection that it gives me to millions of alcoholics all over the world. The people I have met in my year of sobriety are the most sincere, funny, positive people that I have ever met. I love that I can take my darkest experiences and share them with others to provide strength and hope. My alcoholism has given me a sense of purpose in this world and allows me to be of service to others.
What are the three best tools you have acquired to stay sober and happy?
The number one best tool that I have acquired is a belief in a Higher Power. I was definitely less than thrilled about the God aspect of AA when I first came in. I am still not a religious person, but I now have a spirituality that allows me to live with peace and serenity.
The second is an awesome network of alcoholics that I can call at any time and can 100% relate to anything that goes through my crazy mind.
My third tool is honesty. This was always a foreign concept to me and I can rationalize anything in my mind. In order to stay happy and sober, I have to be honest with myself about my motives and I have to be honest with others. It’s a wonderful feeling having nothing to hide and just being my true authentic self.
Do you have a sobriety mantra?
“Life on life’s terms.”
This was a mantra expressed to me several times by my sponsor when I was really struggling in early sobriety. I was unsuccessfully trying to fix a broken relationship and trying to get myself out of a 2nd DUI charge, all while getting rid of my favorite coping tool. As an alcoholic, I can be a very self-centered asshole and expect everything to go my way. This mantra reminds me that life is a wild adventure full of ups and downs. There is no avoiding some of the downs and how I react to them makes a world of difference.
What is the most valuable thing that has happened to you in recovery?
As crazy as it sounds, the most valuable thing to happen to me in recovery was going back out and drinking after two and a half months. From my first meeting until then, I was yearning for the good drunk times again and was not fully convinced I was an alcoholic. I was not 100% sold that I was powerless over alcohol. So I went out and drank for a weekend with an old friend. It took me right back to the times that made me so miserable: blackouts, crippling hangovers and losing all self-control. I got that final taste of blackout shame, called my sponsor, and fully threw myself into recovery.
Have you worked the 12 steps? What is your opinion on them?
I have worked the 12 steps with my sponsor and they provided me a total spiritual awakening and understanding of myself. The steps allowed me to accept my alcoholism, stop being so controlling/manipulative, trust in my higher power, get to the root causes of my mayhem, clear out the wreckage of my past and grow as a person. Before the steps, I really didn’t know who the hell I was and now I am able to live life full of love for myself and others.
If you could offer a newcomer or someone thinking about getting sober any advice, what would it be?
That is does get better. And you’re not alone. When I first crawled into the rooms of AA, my life was hell and I thought I was doomed to a life of boredom without drugs and alcohol. It’s truly amazing how wrong I was. Sobriety has provided me with a love of life and gratitude that I never imagined I would have. These are the same things I heard when I was a newcomer and I thought it was a bunch of BS. Your steps and your book won’t fix my real problems, I thought.
I don’t know how recovery provides these results. Much like I don’t know the mechanics of how the light switch on my wall lights up the room. But I know that it does, and I promise it will do the same for you. As they say, it’s a life beyond my wildest dreams.
Photo provided by Drew; used with permission.
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