Not Your Average Joe
In a recent interview with Men’s Health, Manganiello opened up about his blossoming career and buxom babe wife, Sofia Vergara, and how doing work on himself prepared him for both. Not to be super annoying but I would like to take this opportunity to point out that you don’t often hear a celebrity openly thank cocaine or whiskey for helping them achieve their dreams (with the exception of Charles Bukowski). Ironically though, if you ask any alcoholic or drug addict, he or she will probably tell you there were years when they couldn’t have dreamed of getting out of bed, let alone accomplish anything without their vices (and even then, some of us still didn’t). So if you think that you can’t write without two bottles of wine, Ernest Hemingway, you might want to think again.
Though some more traditional 12-steppers might disapprove of Manganiello’s openness about his sobriety, I think it’s not only awesome but also important. Though no one is immune to falling off the wagon (the 12-step community’s biggest fear with lack of anonymity), what Manganiello has accomplished in his decade-and-a-half of sobriety could not be a better example of attraction (rather than promotion) to a sober way of life. And don’t think for a second that he has gotten too big for his britches—Manganiello knows exactly who he is and who he has always been.
“I think addicts are born wired a certain way,” he tells Men’s Health, “but alcohol was not the issue for me—the issues were all internal.” Manganiello continues, ”The drink just helped me to quell all the ill feelings I could remember having since I was a child. I was an addict before I ever picked up a drink.’
That Right There’s the Disease
Manganiello’s admission is a crucial aspect of the disease of alcoholism that is often lost in the medical definition of alcohol use disorder, which only deals with the physical traits of addiction. But if alcoholism was just a physical issue, extended abstinence would be enough to prevent cravings. Alas, for the addict, cravings are just as psychological as they are physical and if we don’t address the issues that made us drink in the first place, we’re almost guaranteed to drink again. This is something a lot of people don’t seem to understand about the disease.
And what even more people don’t understand are the other attributes that often go along with alcoholism and addiction—selfishness, self-centeredness, immaturity, emotional reactivity, resentfulness and dishonesty. You can abstain from alcohol and drugs all you want but if you continue to act like a jerk, no one is going to want to be around you (trust me, I know this from experience). That is why doing the work is just as important as putting down the drink.
Now Can We Get Back to Joe, Please?
At this moment, no one gets to relish in the fruits of their labor like Joe Manganiello does. From starving actor to hunk o’ husband to the sexiest woman on prime time television, it’s clear that behind his pretty face and chiseled bod is a real and whole person; one that was put back together through lots of honesty, self-reflection and acceptance. Not to suck our own dicks but the internal work required to stay sober and happy—not to mention thriving— can be really hard. Not everyone is up for the challenge.
Of course, if we all knew that are the end of our “work” rainbow there would be a pot o’ gold equivalent to Sofia Vergara, you would see more 12-step meetings become standing room only. But that’s the beauty of doing something for the right reasons; no one knows what is going to happen. Some people get sober and end up with actual cash and prizes and others (like myself) get rewards in other ways, like serenity and inner peace. My guess is Manganiello has both, that bastard, but how can you resent a man who has paid his dues?
I know I ain’t hatin’.
Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore via Flickr [CCo (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/)] (resized and cropped)