This post was originally published on July 30, 2015.
I am getting kind of annoyed by this ever-growing backlash against the term “sex addiction.” There seem to be two main hater camps: those that feel the label is sex negative—that it shames people’s sexuality—and those who simply don’t think it exists. As a recovering alcoholic and sex addict, this is, of course, infuriating—mainly because sex addiction has caused me more pain and unmanageability in my life than alcohol ever did. In fact, it could even be said that I used alcohol as a way to act out on my sex addiction, making it every bit as real to me as my alcoholism.
So Does Porn Addiction Exist?
Now, according to a recent post in The Daily Beast, porn addiction isn’t real. Though I have read about stuff like this before, it still gets my blood boiling. Not that I have a porn addiction to defend (no seriously, I swear) but like others who have struggled with addiction, it is very, shall we say, triggering when someone wages a war against your plight for normalcy (I am not one of these people who dislikes the term “normal”; I actually like it very much).
The piece reports that what characterizes porn addiction doesn’t meet the scientific criteria for addiction. You know who that matters to? Scientists. Well, scientists, narrow-minded physicians and those who don’t want to believe that their friend or loved one has a problem. You know who it doesn’t matter to? The person who has lost yet another relationship as a result of their obsession with watching porn or their subsequent inability to perform sexually with a live human—at least a human that doesn’t look or act like a porn star. Maybe they’ve lost their job due to taking too many sick days to stay home and watch porn. These people probably don’t give much of a f*** what criteria their crumbling lives meet. And neither do I.
Alcoholism: Little to Do with Alcohol
Case in point: I was recently reading how the Mayo Clinic defines alcoholism. Basically, they say it’s a progressive disease (true) that is characterized by excessive drinking (true), an inability to stop drinking despite the consequences (true), a preoccupation with alcohol (true), needing to drink more to get the same effect (sometimes true) and experiencing withdrawal symptoms when not drinking (also only sometimes true). Nowhere in this definition, or in any clinical definition I have ever seen, does it mention what alcoholism really is—it simply describes some of the external indications that one might be suffering from alcoholism. That is because alcoholism has almost nothing to do with alcohol except that it is the substance that some people with the disease choose to use to medicate themselves. Alcoholism is a disease that impacts your thinking and perception of reality; it makes people talk negatively to themselves—which can produce or aggravate moderate to severe depression—and causes them to be self-centered, egotistical, dishonest and fearful. It is a motherf***er of an illness that I struggle with nearly every day even though I haven’t had a drink in over 11 years.
Denial Isn’t Helping, Only Hurting
Addiction and its subsequent consequences are at an all-time high in the US, yet there still seem to be people who feel it’s necessary to further analyze and breakdown why addiction is not a disease. For some reason, removing these labels is very important to some; I will take a wild guess and say it’s people who have never experienced it. While this is frustrating and disappointing, much like when the DSM-V removed Hypersexual Behavior Disorder (aka sex addiction), it doesn’t change the fact that many people are still experiencing it. It also gives others free reign to judge porn enthusiasts as perverted folks who just lack will power and means that those suffering won’t get the support that they need—whether that means understanding from their loved ones or insurance coverage for treatment. And clinically speaking, that sucks.
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