My brain is a creature of habit, so it makes sense that I regularly fantasize about moving back to New York City (my brain is also a master of deception, see, conveniently failing to remember the 100 reasons I felt driven to flee NYC, after five long years there, to begin with).
Only in NYC
But my manic NY-directed half-longing/half-hatred is always stirred up even more when I read about some cool new shit that’s taken the city by storm—something I can’t possibly get or see or do anyplace else, something that’s just Grand Enough and Edgy Enough and Annoyingly Insider-y Enough to make me envious of all those stylishly bumbling assholes who remain committed, despite it all, to sticking it out in one of the most miserable/stifling/glamorous cities on the planet. Oh, I do miss you, New York.
Anyhow, when I read this VICE story about the possible death of Phrosties, an only-in-NYC alcoholic-slushie delivery service, all my most special nostalgic feels were triggered. Goddammit, I thought, why couldn’t that have been around when I lived in Brooklyn (circa 1999-2005)?! Obviously my entire New York existence would have only been that much more enviable and cool if I could have slummed it alone in my Prospect Heights living room as I slowly succumbed to being buried alive in a swiftly accumulating collection of empty plastic jugs formerly filled with neon-hued Slurpee knockoffs.
Spring Break Is Over
But I left the five boroughs wayyyy before Phrosties became a thing (I was there when L.E.S. Mexican dive El Sombrero offered their beloved take-out frozen margaritas, and I might be sober but I can’t lie: good God, I miss those little bastards). And now it appears that Phrosties may not actually be a Thing for much longer, as New York Senator Chuck Schumer is attempting to shut it down.
“A 12-year-old can probably buy these ‘sloshies’ online, get it, and enjoy it because it’s filled with fruit juice and fruit punch and all the things that taste sweet and nice,” Schumer aptly observed at a press conference on Monday.
The news that the New York State Liquor Authority is investigating the “unregulated and unlicensed” slush peddlers has caused the shadowy business to go even further underground (if it continues to exist at all). The VICE writer noted that the “Phrostie Instagram account had been scrubbed clean, its delivery contact details replaced by the warning ‘WE DO NOT DELIVER,'” though the service still came through and delivered a load when the writer texted to inquire about getting some.
Ahhh, Simpler Times
The service existed for almost a year before being sniffed out by the media, which pretty much heralded its demise. In its heyday, ordering a crop of Phrosties was reportedly as easy as texting a number posted on Instagram and then waiting patiently for the $10 goodies to arrive at your door.
There’s obviously a strong argument to be made against the safety and legality of the frozen drinks—they could potentially encourage youngsters to try drinking, because duh, they look like candy and taste like fruit punch “doused in Everclear.” Plus, the Phrostie people were, reportedly, not keen on checking IDs or anything boring like that, so who knows what hands the beverages made their way into.
What will Brooklyn’s scenester masses do next for their alcoholic fix? No clue since I don’t live there anymore (blessings and curses). In any case, let’s stay tuned.
Sponsored DISCLAIMER: This is a paid advertisement for California Behavioral Health, LLC, a CA licensed substance abuse treatment provider and not a service provided by The Fix. Calls to this number are answered by CBH, free and without obligation to the consumer. No one who answers the call receives a fee based upon the consumer’s choice to enter treatment. For additional info on other treatment providers and options visit www.samhsa.gov.