All around the country, students are heading back to school. Some of them (mostly girls) are agonizing over what to wear on that all-so-important first day. But few of them give a thought to what their teachers might show up wearing—or not wearing, as happened to be the case last week in Wagoner, Oklahoma.
Within an hour after newly hired schoolteacher Lori Ann Hill arrived for her first day on the job, her would-be coworkers were already on the phone with local police. According to school officials, the 49-year-old Hill waltzed drunkenly into a classroom that she claimed was hers and promptly removed her pants. She seems to have gotten homeroom confused with actual home (where de-pantsing should always the first order of business).
Only the Desks Got a Full-Frontal
A class full of high school students will drive anyone to drink, but Hill has no such excuse—although teachers were expected to report in on Monday, classes wouldn’t begin in earnest until that Thursday. So fortunately, no students witnessed the debacle. If they had, the incident could have incurred a slew of additional charges.
Police told the staff to detain Hill in the principal’s office until they arrived. By the time the cops got to her, she had put on (or been put into) a pair of shorts. The dazed teacher confirmed she had been drinking some vodka in her parked car before heading in to work.
PUI (Parking Under the Influence)
In Hill’s car, the officers did find a cup that smelled like vodka. But since no witnesses can claim to have seen Hill actually driving while intoxicated, she won’t be picking up a DUI. Instead, we’re supposed to give her the benefit of the doubt—that she spent the entirety of her 40-minute commute from Claremore with that cup of vodka untouched by her side, waiting to reward herself when she hit the parking lot. Right. I can’t even keep a granola bar in my cup holder without nibbling on it at a red light, but Hill apparently is a master of restraint.
The cops took Hill to the Wagoner City Jail for public intoxication. The school district hasn’t revealed whether Hill will get to keep her job.
Parents, unsurprisingly, were perturbed. “As an adult, I just don’t know how you can be a professional teacher—and teaching young people—and then show up drunk,” one father commented. Similarly, I always used to wonder how one could be a professional drunk and then show up and teach. The answer, of course, is not very well.
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