Delusional Mother Gets Breaking Bad Toys Pulled off Shelves
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Delusional Mother Gets Breaking Bad Toys Pulled off Shelves


Don’t Meth with Us

It’s been a couple of months since Breaking Bad cleaned up at the Emmy’s and now it’s got a rival that’s not another show: American mothers. See, it doesn’t take long for massive success to translate to toys, as Florida mom Susan Schrivjer recently discovered at her local Toys R Us when she came upon a group of Breaking Bad toys.

These drug dealer dolls, she discovered, came complete with plastic bags of crystal meth and sacks of cash. (She claims she was a fan of the show but I’m going to have to call foul on that; what kind of fan watches an incredible television show Sunday nights when her kid goes to sleep and then goes behind its back and bashes it to the point where Time Magazine writes an article about it?)

Anyway, Schrivjer filed a petition on criticizing Toys R Us for selling the Breaking Bad action figures, claiming it’s a “dangerous deviation from the company’s family friendly values.” I think I might have missed the memo about major corporations making money being “family friendly?” It comes down to money, honey and Breaking Bad equals that. Regardless, her petition got over 2,000 signatures.

Maternal Instink

The “family friendly” mega-chain then released a statement clarifying that the Breaking Bad packaging clearly states that the toys are for ages 15 and up (a totally appropriate age for overdoses and drug dealers blowing up). Toys R Us also said, in the statement to the press and to Schrivjer’s mini van posse, that the toys are only sold in the adult action figure area the store.

But the plot thickens: The Today Show found a Toys R Us where the Bryan Cranston action figures were within arms reach of Super Mario Brothers figures and G.I. Joe dolls, which are obviously marketed to children younger than 15.

Store placement isn’t enough for Schrivjer anyway; she wants the toys off the shelf completely, apparently not clear about the fact that this is something that can only be purchased by an adult with money, not the damn kid who wants it. She also seems not to get the fact that just because a kid is exposed to the packaging of a “grown up” show’s product doesn’t mean that kid takes it in and suddenly knows everything about crystal meth and drug trafficking. I grew up seeing the same XXX billboards on the way to and from school every day for almost two decades and the only things I learned about “XXX” were from television. Kids learn stuff at home, not out in the world so I say lock up the iPad, Susan.

Schrivjer claims that the toys are a “violent celebration of the drug trade” but, as any true fan of the series knows, at no point does Breaking Bad celebrate the drug trade. There aren’t happy endings because it’s against FCC rules, even with a TV MA rating. That’s why characters that smoke are always bad and why honest characters are always the ones who get the happy ending.

Toys R Bust

This all comes at a time when Toys R Us needs to sell toys the most. Like Nickelodeon, Pauly Shore and Nerf guns, toy stores are on the decline. Toys R Us needs to just make money. That’s all they’re doing. Bryan Cranston doesn’t even know he’s an action figure. It’s all about his agent making money and the toy store making money off characters created by Vince Gilligan, who probably doesn’t see any of this cash, paper or plastic.

As of three hours of this article being written, NBC News reported that the Breaking Bad toys were pulled from shelves of Toys R Us stores across the country. Is this move going to keep kids off meth or from becoming drug traffickers? Hell no. But Susan Schrivjer has gotten her way and is now, impossible spelling and all, officially “Google-able.”

Photo courtesy of [CC BY 2.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons (resized and cropped)

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About Author

Carlos Herrera is a comedian, photographer and writer whose work can also be found on The Fix . He has been featured in LA Weekly and has performed at The Hollywood Improv among other places.