Probably one of the reasons sex addiction is such a hard load to swallow (pun absolutely intended) is no one wants to put gravity on their beloved recreational activities. It’s the same reason that, while hundreds of millions of dollars has been spent trying to educate people on the dangers of drinking and driving, drugs and unprotected sex, people still do it all the time. But those issues have tangible consequences and sex addiction usually doesn’t. I don’t think many people can imagine what kind of ramifications can come from being addicted to sex. And a recent article in Daily Mail doesn’t do much to help matters.
Sex Addiction Really Satisfies
The piece reports on 29-year old Sami Walton, a nice looking and stacked blonde Brit says she lost her job because of her addiction to having sex more than 10 times a day. She admits to coming to work late or not at all because she was out meeting people for sex. News like this is likely to cause two simultaneous reactions: giggling and boners. Not quite the appropriate response to someone baring their soul about addiction, despite the deep shame they may feel. This is because no one wants to believe that their fantasy—an attractive woman who wants sex all the time—is something that warrants sympathy and understanding. Especially when the tale of woe is adorned with not one but eight photos of Sami and her visibly satisfied boyfriend, James, smiling, laughing and looking like they are very, very happy. If this is sex addiction then we want some (minus the close up of Sami’s teeth, yikes!).
While I don’t doubt Sami’s story, I’m grossed out by the silly tone of the piece. Walton claims to want to “dispel the myths” about sex addiction and make people understand that it’s “not something to laugh about,” yet that’s exactly what she’s doing in every picture. Sex addiction is real and it’s very painful and scary. I’m not saying that, at its core, there isn’t a sexiness to it. Like any addiction, we wouldn’t get hooked if there weren’t “good times” to chase. Still, I’ve seen it take people down to the lowest levels of demoralization; putting their dignity, reputation, lives and livelihoods at risk just to scratch a momentary itch. That despair is not well represented by posed portraits of a young, attractive couple on the beach at sunset. You know what that represents? Bloody bullshit.
Very Bright Red Flag
Walton refers to her boyfriend as her “lover and therapist.” Calling all codependents! First of all, there are about 1,000 reasons why shrinks don’t (or shouldn’t) bang their clients—the risk of confusing trust and dependence, love and lust, are high in this dynamic. This is especially true when one party was already fragile (hence seeking therapy). But when a sex addict is getting her drug of choice and her healing from that addiction in one place (as if), it’s a recipe for disaster. That would be like a substance abuse counselor selling crack to clients.
Walton claims she didn’t seek treatment for her problem because she didn’t think doctors would understand. If she is talking about her general physician, then I am sure she is right. Sex addiction is a specialized field typically under the umbrella of psychotherapy, not clinical medicine. So a white coat-stethoscope doctor probably won’t be much help, but 12-step support might be. And according to the Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous website, there are several meetings within reasonable driving distance from Ascot, Berkshire, England where Walton lives. In addition, there is a lot of online support as well as literature that can be read about the subject.
Healing Cannot Be Outsourced
Regardless of the weird tone and mixed messages of this article, I applaud anyone who is willing to speak openly about their problems. Doing so brings some awareness (even if it’s not entirely accurate) to issues that are still taboo in our society. This means there could be people out there who feel isolated and alienated, who may have derived some relief from reading about Sami Walton, knowing they are not alone. I just hope it didn’t also leave people thinking that the cure for sex addiction is an understanding, good looking and high-libido’ed lover to save them.
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