The good news is, if you like to party, now might be the time to pack your bags for England. There’s something in the water over there and that something is cocaine. That’s right, coke residue is not just for dollar bills anymore; Britain’s love for blow goes deep, as deep as their ecosystem. Not only is this a fascinating phenomenon but it’s also a great argument against washing your coke mirrors; as my mother always says, “If you like something, lick it clean.”
Try to Read This without Violently Cringing
The bad news is, it doesn’t actually look like the contaminated drinking water in the UK is a result of washing copious amounts of cocaine-caked flatware. A recent article in The Independent reported that what was found in the water were traces of benzoylecgonine—a metabolized form of cocaine that appears once it has passed through the body. This is the chemical that is present in urine when it tests positive for cocaine. Yep, Brits are blowing lines and then pissing in their own water supply—so punk rock.
What the article does address is the seeming widespread concern about the amount of cocaine present in the water being harmful. According to a report from Public Health England, after the water was treated—meaning it underwent several purification processes—it tested at four nanograms per liter, which is .000000004 grams per one liter of liquid; nothing to get your sobriety panties in a bunch over and nothing that will have you or your children going off the rails on a crazy train. It’s unclear whether untreated water presents any real health risks but the article did say that that the benzoylecgonine levels clock in at four times higher before treatment. So if you live in England, you should probably stick to bottled water. It’s how we Angelenos do it.
Britain, You Have a Problem
But what’s most concerning is what English piss water indicates. The Sunday Times ran a piece where someone from Transform—the drug policy think tank—said these findings showed the massive volume of cocaine use in Britain, noting they have the near the highest usage in Western Europe.
But look on the bright side, Brits; your coke piss could lead to globally popularity. With the ever-growing trend of weird and creative drug concoctions, people may want a splash of English drug urine in their next glass of foolio.
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