Any good 12-stepper knows what the Big Book says about sex (ironically, on page 69): “We all have sex problems. We’d hardly be human if we didn’t.” How true that is. But what Bill W. and his cohorts were addressing back in 1939 when the book was penned were the consequences of drunkard men being unfaithful to their wives. Today, this controversial section of the text is applied to any sex problem suffered by any person with alcoholism or addiction issues. And an article in Nigeria’s Daily Post put an interesting spin on this topic when Dr. Kola Osibote, an Abuja-based gynecologist, spoke out regarding the way the female sex drive is impacted by substance abuse. And it’s not what you think.
Slut Shame No More
Many female alcoholics at some point in their drinking have been labeled with the term “slut”—either by someone else or themselves. We have all done things we aren’t proud of. But if you are the kind of guy who likes to throw around this term, after you go to hell, you might want to consider the alternative. According to Dr. Osibote, women who abuse alcohol and drugs are likely to suffer from a low sex drive. And seven out of 10 women in general will experience a loss of libido at some point in their lives. This can be a due to giving birth, hormone imbalance, stress, anxiety, abuse or “latent lesbianism.” So if you are with a woman who likes to get down, kick the slut shaming to the curb and consider yourself lucky.
As Osibote points out, the female sex drive is much more psychologically based than the male one. Many of us enjoy sex as much as men but our desire to have it can be delicate. It can depend on so many things, most importantly the climate of the relationship. This becomes complicated for women in long-term partnerships because with intimacy comes love and with love comes investment and with investment comes frustration and resentment. Just because issues between two people aren’t potent enough to end the relationship, it doesn’t mean they won’t detonate a woman’s sex drive. If my husband forgets to mow the lawn for the third weekend in a row (if, for argument’s sake, I had a husband and a lawn), chances are I am not going to want him to mow mine.
Role Play or DVR?
How to keep sex alive in a marriage is one of the most frequently asked and pondered questions. If this universal issue were simply a result of boredom from doing the same old thing, then any of the countless books or hundreds of positions of the Kama Sutra would eradicate it. But if you are a woman, you know it’s more than that. There is absolutely nothing less exciting then putting on a naughty nurse outfit when all you want to do is watch the new episode of The Bachelor.
In 2010, Sprout Pharmaceuticals filed for FDA approval on a drug called Flibanserin to treat a condition called hypoactive sexual desire disorder in women but it was rejected. However, after several refilings, the FDA finally approved the medication in August of 2015. While I hate to solve a potential substance-induced issue with a substance, welcome to America! I’m joking. But it should be noted that Flibanserin is not a controlled substance like Xanax, Oxycontin or Vicodin—it’s not something people would abuse. In fact, you aren’t even supposed to drink while you are taking it. It’s a daily medication to be taken like an anti-depressant or birth control pill; in other words, it doesn’t get you high but it does do its job.
Just Don’t Drop E
So ladies, if you are getting sober, or even if you have been for a while, and find that your sex drive dried out with your drinking, there may be a real connection. Dr. Osibote offers some advice, like “engage in activities that would arouse sex urge” but I have to admit that this doesn’t sound very promising. He also suggests engaging in more foreplay but this can be problematic if your partner isn’t very skilled and irrelevant if you don’t even want to take your pants off. He does mention the use of drugs that contain “ingredients similar to the physical touch.”
Alas, in my experience, the only one that does that is Ecstasy.
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