4 Things That Are Better Sober
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4 Things That Are Better Sober

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four-basic-things-that-are-better-soberOur inhibitions keep us from doing and saying stupid things. Alcohol blocks those inhibitory neurons, which explains why happy hour gets so boisterous, and why your mother’s saying proves true: “Nothing good happens after midnight.”

I used to love drowning my inhibitions in alcohol. I started drinking early enough that I thought alcohol was the solution to my awkwardness. At first, a beer or two helped me socialize. Then a six pack. Before I knew it, I believed that I needed to get completely liquored up before going to a party or out on a date.

Part of my disease of alcoholism is the illusion that I need alcohol to lubricate my life. I believed I needed to be drunk before I got to the party or before I had sex. This delusional thinking soon branched out. I eventually believed that smoking weed helped me study and that I was a better basketball player if I played high.

When I first got sober, I was the emotional equivalent of that awkward teenager wanting to get sauced up before he hit the dance floor. Alcohol arrested my development. Living without the booze has forced me to learn many life-lessons as an adult that I could have learned as a teenager, and how to do otherwise normal things without the buffer of booze. Here are four things I’ve had to learn how to do all over again, that I never imagined I could do sober.

1. Having sex

I’ll be frank. I was drunk or high for every sexual encounter I had before I got sober. Did you know that sober sex is the best? I sure didn’t. I self-medicated and ingested all sorts of chemicals to enhance my performance. Being sober enhances the experience: the rush of nerves, the heaving breaths and the caresses. Why did I want to numb all that away?

2. Going to concerts

My first sober concert was in Seattle when I saw Bela Fleck and the Flecktones play Benaroya Hall. The banjo virtuoso and his band electrified the auditorium. I realized that sober I could hear all the notes move and dance together. Drunk, I would have been too concerned with the buzz from the parking lot wearing off, and pissed that the bar has a two-drink minimum. I was usually blacked out for the encore.

The encore eight years ago was “Over the Wall.” I can still picture the mad rhythm of those moving hands and stomping feet.

I commented to a friend, “Not bad for my first sober show.”

A stranger, fellow concert-goer, said, “It only gets better.”

And he was right. I’m more excited for live shows today than I ever was as a drunk teenager. After all, back then, I was only looking forward to getting fucked up.

3. Dancing

Back in the day, you would never catch me on the dance floor unless I was good and wasted. Ironically, I’d only become willing to dance when the swirl of booze in my blood had made my dancing a drunken lean or staggering stumble-fest. Now that I’m sober, I dance all the time. My most memorable dance was on my wedding day. My wife and I danced to Willie Nelson’s waltz “Hands on the Wheel.” We twirled around the room, and I can re-play every detail in my memory. How stunning she looked and how her hand felt in mine. Preserving such moments in sober clarity is a gift.

4. Socializing

It’s an old cliché that a drink or two makes us a foot taller and handsome. Alcohol’s suppression of inhibition simulates that confidence. But it’s not real confidence. It’s like the braces-wearing video gamer who believes he’s an international spy because he’s killing it in the first-person shooter game he plays in his parent’s basement.

My confidence doesn’t require a crutch today. I’m comfortable going to parties—even to bars—and enjoy myself in every type of social environment even when booze is present. (I don’t recommend this if you’re early in sobriety.) Today, my laughter is genuine and my jokes are sharp. I live in a constant happy hour, and I always leave the party long before last call. My conversations are entertaining, and haven’t been dulled by drinking and false bravado.

Inhibitions have left me naturally in sobriety. Whereas I used to think the only thing that would make me comfortable was a few drinks, a toke or a snort, I am at peace with my substance-free self. And that’s substantial, when you think about it.

Somewhere along my sobriety journey, after many attempts to do the next right thing and showing up when people expect me to show up, I became comfortable in my own skin. I would not trade that comfort for anything. (Certainly, not for $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon night at the local watering hole.)

One thing I heard early on in recovery that helped me a lot was, “To gain self-esteem, you must do esteemable acts.” Feeling good about yourself is not something you can simulate or manufacture. Pills and bottles never actually did for it me, despite my attempts. I’m grateful for my sobriety and those who showed me how to live and love my sober life.

For more sober firsts, visit Mark’s blog The Miracle of the Mundane

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About Author

Mark David Goodson writes about the miracle of the mundane on his blog: www.markgoodson.com. When he isn't writing, he wishes he were writing. He teaches high school English, coaches football, and raises two children with his wife in the suburbs of Washington D.C.