Considering the fact that an American gets arrested for marijuana every 42 seconds, the fact that three people named Stoner were this month isn’t incredibly shocking. But it’s still amusing, in the same way my archaeology professor shared a name with an ancient Sumerian city.
So Who Are These Stoners?
Our first pair of unlucky Stoners are a father-son team from Corvallis, Montana. Cops busted Rodney Ray Stoner and his son 24-year-old son Adam Lee Stoner for growing pot in their garage. Both men were charged with several counts of felony and misdemeanor after a search turned up five pot plants as well as pipes, grinders and prescription drugs. According to the younger Stoner, the weed operation was his, and his father had only granted him permission to use the garage. But it was Rodney who made the mistake of showing the plants to the wife and kids of a relative who used to work in law enforcement. I guess he just couldn’t contain his excitement. Having had DARE in school, the kids knew what was up, and their father tipped off the cops. Parents take note: this is what happens when you let your grown offspring live at home.
From Seed to Shining Seed
The Stoner Family Farms setup looks absolutely quaint compared with our next Stoner’s crop. In Orange, Virginia, 42-year-old Paul Scott Stoner was busted for growing over $10,000 worth of pot plants. This Stoner was a decidedly less savory character than our small-time father-son outfit. Instead of proudly showing off his weed to children, he is suspected of selling it to them. Cops also seized an assortment of drug paraphernalia, including spoons and needles, from Stoner’s home. Oh, and guns too! Paul Stoner is free on bond and had a hearing on August 27.
But you don’t have to be named Stoner to get the cops’ attention. Sometimes all it takes is an ill-considered phone call. Let’s stay for a moment in Virginia, where 19-year-old Amanda Paige Twomey’s plan to stick it to her shady connect backfired.
Twomey called the Prince William County Police in the late afternoon claiming she’d been robbed at gunpoint by one Jackson Crisler when she met up with him to buy pot. That takes some serious moxie. Hi, police? I was trying to buy illegal drugs, and I was robbed! Bold move, Amanda. Especially bold considering it’s not true.
That Dope is Frying Your Brain, Ma’am
After some digging on the part of detectives, it turned out Crisler had never pulled a gun on Twomey at all. In reality, Twomey gave Crisler money to buy pot from a third party, and Crisler kept the cash. That’s certainly grounds for ending a friendship (and finding better connections), but Twomey’s thirst for revenge completely bypassed all the common sense checkpoints. She was charged with filing a false police report and the lamest crime ever, attempted possession. Crisler is charged with attempted possession with intent to distribute. The pair will shoot each other dirty looks in court in October.
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